In Case You Missed It: The 2013 Razzie Nominations

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You know, every awards season, while people are blowing their loads over the Oscars and creaming themselves over the Golden Globes, I only find myself looking forward to one set of awards:  The Razzies.

Let’s be real, how many awards do we need to see a film like Zero Dark Thirty get?  It’s going to win a shit ton.  Same with Argo.  But shit-films like Battleship?  Right. You forgot that movie came out in 2012.  Hell, most people probably didn’t even know it existed since it sold like 7 tickets total during it’s theatrical release last spring.  So this is really the movie’s only shot to be recognized for anything, even if it is the award equivalent of a smegma stain on your favorite sheets.

So without further adieu, here is a summary of the The Worst of the Worst from  2013 Golden Rasberry.   The best part is that asstacular John Carter was snubbed.  When you’re too shitty to be dishonored by the Razzies…well, that says it all right there.

The worst offender this year is (not surprisingly) The Twatlight SagaBreaking Hymen Part 2.  Breaking Hymen has a whopping 11 nominations.

By the way, as a point of reference: there are only 10 categories for the Razzies – which means Twalight got a nomination in every single one of them, and two for Worst On Screen Couple.

So to break that down,  the flick is up for Worst Picture, Worst Actress (Kristen Stewart), Worst Actor (Robert Pattinson) , Ensemble (everyone else in the cast) and Worst Director (Bill Condom — er, Condon)

It was also nominated twice (!) for the Worst Screen Couple category: KStew & RPattz, and Taylor “LLama” Lautner and Mackenzie Foy.  

In case you’re wondering, Mackenzie Foy played KStew and RPattz’s little kid in the film.  Oh, and spoiler alert.

Here are the rest of the Razzie noms:

WORST PICTURE

• Battleship
• The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure
• That’s My Boy
• A Thousand Words
• The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2

WORST DIRECTOR

• Sean Anders, That’s My Boy
• Peter Berg, Battleship
• Bill Condon, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2
• Tyler Perry, Good Deeds/Madea’s Witness Protection
• John Putch, Atlas Shrugged: Part 2

WORST ACTRESS

• Katherine Heigl, One for the Money
• Milla Jovovich, Resident Evil: Retribution
• Tyler Perry, Madea’s Witness Protection
• Kristen Stewart, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2/Snow White and the Huntsman
• Barbra Streisand, The Guilt Trip

WORST ACTOR

• Nicolas Cage, Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance/Seeking Justice
• Eddie Murphy, A Thousand Words
• Robert Pattinson, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2
• Tyler Perry, Alex Cross/Good Deeds
• Adam Sandler, That’s My Boy

WORST SUPPORTING ACTRESS

• Jessica Biel: Playing for Keeps/Total Recall
• Brooklyn Decker: Battleship/What to Expect When You’re Expecting
• Ashley Greene: The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2
• Jennifer Lopez: What to Expect When You’re Expecting
• Rihanna: Battleship

WORST SUPPORTING ACTOR

• David Hasselhoff, Piranha 3D
• Taylor Lautner, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2
• Liam Neeson, Battleship/Wrath of the Titans
• Nick Swardson, That’s My Boy
• Vanilla Ice, That’s My Boy

 WORST SCREEN ENSEMBLE

• Battleship
• The Oogieloves in the Balloon Adventure
• That’s My Boy
• The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2
• Madea’s Witness Protection

WORST SCREENPLAY

• Atlas Shrugged: Part 2
• Battleship
• That’s My Boy
• A Thousand Words
• The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2

 WORST REMAKE, RIP-OFF OR SEQUEL

• Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance
• Piranha 3D
• Red Dawn
• The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2
• Madea’s Witness Protection

WORST SCREEN COUPLE

• Any two cast members from The Jersey Shore in The Three Stooges
• Mackenzie Foy and Taylor Lautner in The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2
• Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart in The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2
• Tyler Perry and his drag in Madea’s Witness Protection
• Adam Sandler and Andy Samberg, Leighton Meester or Susan Sarandon in That’s My Boy

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