Kristen Stewart May Get Plastic Surgery to Keep Rob Pattinson

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Oh, I know this is a load of horseshit but I needed a fun story for a variety of reasons, including but not limited to:

A) I still haven’t finished Christmas shopping. Fuck.

B) I have a sinus infection coming on, since I pretty much get them whenever the wind blows from a different than the day before.

C) Family starts arriving tomorrow.

D) I’m hungover after a ‘casual’ dinner with a group of friends (isn’t that how it always begins? So innocently?) ended up going until 2 am when we decided to have a few drinks post dinner.

So when I was flipping through rags and gossip sites etc looking for a story to write, this one just popped out at me like Janet Jackson’s titty if there thousands of people and a football field nearby.

The National Enquirer (print edition) is reporting Kristen Stewart will do pretty much anything to keep Rob Pattinson in her life, and one of things she’s thinking about buying him for Christmas is some fake tatas!  Because nothing says “I sowwy for getting dirty with the director dude” like some saline bags in the chesticle region!

“Kristen is terrified that Rob is going to leave her for someone else,” revealed an insider. “She has always been insecure about her boobs, and she is totally convinced Rob would find it a massive turn-on if she had even a subtle size increase.”

“Whenever they’re out together, she’s always on high alert to see which girls seem to capture his attention, and they’re always girls with big boobs. She’s scared he may leave her for one of them. It’s an unhealthy obsession she can’t get out of her head.”

Kristen – who in the past complained she looks “like a boy” – isn’t the typical cosmetic breast surgery candidate, said a close source. “This is a girl whose makeup artist has to beg her to wear red lipstick and who prefers sneakers. But she’s desperate to hang on to Rob, and thinks a breast augmentation will do the trick.”

Obviously, I think this story is pretty much baloney for several reasons. The first being is if Rob took her back after she got photographed getting her (natural) titties sucked by her Ho White and the Cuntsman married director, her breast size is probably not that important to him.  Secondly, they should be “breaking up” in a few months anyway since that’s when their contractual obligation will end for the Twatlight PR…”Cause no way I buy this being a real relationship.

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