The Sunday after Thanksgiving is shaping up to provide viewers with fine holiday programming. Not to be outdone by Lifetime’s offering of Lindsay Lohan urinating vodka-flavored piss all over Elizabeth Taylor’s memory with the biopic Liz & Dick, TLC has fired back with their new show, Extreme Cougar Wives.
As you may have guessed with that classy title, Extreme Cougar Wives follows a group of older women on the prowl for younger men. And since this is TLC, we’re not talking “Demi Moore” – looking older women. No, they’re giving us people who look like my Nana.
The players for the show include Hattie, who is 76-years-old and – in all honesty – is probably going to be my hero. This bitch is single and ready to mingle! Hattie won’t tolerate any gray hair on her man’s penis and wants her men to be fit and naked all the time. Since having my dream is to laze around by the pool with my naked boyfriend fanning me with a leaf and handing me martinis on demand, I can’t find a flaw with her line of thinking.
Another star of the show is Jude, who is dating 25-year-old Kevin, a man she met while he was dating her daughter. (The hell?! Once the peen has touched a family member – specifically you’re own child, it should be off limits, ladies!) Kevin and Jude have been together for 7 years, which means they started dating when Kevin was 18. Which is gross.
Kevin and Jude say they’re going to be together forever!!1!1!, but have a small problem with the fact Kevin’s family doesn’t know his girlfriend is older than his own mother.