Can We All Feel a Bit Less Squicked Out About Papa Joe Now?

I felt a bit bad* that upon reading that Papa Joe Simpson is GAY!, my initial reaction was “thank goodness, maybe he wasn’t pervy and ogling Chestica’s boobies in a creepy daddy fashion.

Papa Joe has already had one hell of a year. Back in August, Papa Joe was arrested for suspicion of driving under the influence. Prior to that, Papa Joe’s muse, Chestica Simpson, had breasts that swelled to the size of Kim Kardashian’s ass cheeks after the arrival of her ‘named after a boy’ daughter, Maxwell. (This would’ve made Papa Joe happy, while the rest of us were grossed with that knowledge.)

But perhaps this entire time, we were reading Papa Joe’s praise of Chestica’s boobage wrong.  Maybe he wasn’t ogling them in a perverted way no father should ever, ever, EVER, ogle their daughter.  What if instead he was appreciating some fantastic tatas the way gay men do?

Well, according to the National Enquirer, that is indeed the case.  The (increasingly correct) magazine reports not only has Papa Joe come out of the closet to his family,  he’s also got himself a 20-something-year-old boyfriend to hold him when the days are long and the nights are lonely.

Joe got the family together about two months ago and came out of the closet,” an insider divulged.

“He told them that he’d tried to continue in his marriage to Tina, but he couldn’t go on any longer and deny the fact that he had these feelings for men.

“Joe said it wasn’t fair to her, and it wasn’t fair to him.”

Stunned by the revelation, Jessica and her sister Ashlee lashed out.

“They asked Joe how long he’d known he was gay, and he said he’d known it for quite awhile,” said the insider.

“Jessica felt that he’d not only deceived their mom, but her and Ashlee as well.”

Supposedly, when Joe was pulled Sherman Oaks, CA for his August DUI, there were rumors someone was with him at the time, and many thought it was wife, Tina. Now, speculation is it wasn’t Tina after all, but Papa Joe’s boy toy!

Adding fuel to the fire is the perhaps not-so-coincidental timing of court  documents obtained todayrevealing Tina Simpson, 52, filed for divorce from Papa Joe back on September 24 in McLennan County, Texas.  The two were married for 35 years. In a statement to the public, they claim the split is ‘amicable’  and there is ‘no third party’ involved.

Joe and Tina Simpson married in Texas in 1978.  Joe spent his early career as a Baptist pastor before he became a full time Hollywood pimp for his daughters, Chestica and Asslee.

(*translation: not a single modicum of “I’m so sorry to read this” feelings flowed through my ice water veins.)

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