Jersey Slore star Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi and fiance Jionni LaValle have pimped out the first photos of their newborn child Lorenzo Dominic to PEOPLE magazine. As you may have expected, the first pics have all the class of a fart in church.
The kid is obviously doomed to suffer the first years of his life tastelessly dressed in embarrassing attire, such as those terrible booties in the cover photo, and the tablecloth onesie he’s wearing below. (Seriously, what in the hell is that design?)
Anyhoo, in the issue, Snooki reveals how they chose the name Lorenzo Dominic for their firstborn:
We were going back and forth, and I just happened to think of Lorenzo,” says LaValle, 25, who adds that he was inspired by a child he knew from his hometown, where he and Polizzi now live with his parents. “She loved it.”
The baby’s middle name, Dominic, is in memory of Polizzi’s uncle, who died. “I did it for my dad,” she says.
Here’s hoping the kid gets a somewhat normal life. I don’t hold out much hope, though, since they’re already dressing him in onesies with a fake chain on it. Breathing in too many fumes from self-tanner really does damage the brain.