The perpetual woman child Taylor Swift has just taken a turn into the stalker zone. Taylor, 22, has been dating Conor Kennedy, 18, for all of three weeks…and now she has bought a house right across the street from him and his family. According to PEOPLE:
“It’s in a beautiful location and right across the street from Conor and the Kennedys,” the realtor says. “It’s a beautiful home. She got a nice home, paid fair price. The house was on the market for two to four years.”
The realtor said the property – said to be a 13-room home overlooking Nantucket Sound with seven bedrooms and five bathrooms – was originally listed for $14 million but was “way overpriced.” Local reports say Swift scooped it up for $4.9 million.
Swift, who is said to be “swept off her feet” by Conor, has many admirers in the Kennedy clan, with Ethel’s daughter Rory calling her “a great friend of all of ours.”
Yeah. If I were Conor, I’d be on red alert right now, cause this is some crazy ass stalkery “Every Breath You Take” shit. I’d be watching “Fear” and “Fatal Attraction” for tips on how to survive a psycho ex, because this is just creepy. Conor, start alerting your family and friends to your whereabouts at all times. Just sayin’. You never know when shit may go down.
Also, it may be time to look into your local restraining order laws, dude. Jus’ saying.
Speaking of Swifty and exes, Tay-Tay also just released her latest single, “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together.” Of course, the title sounds like one of the titles of my ‘deep’ poems when I was 13 and writing about my junior high school ex. The lyrics aren’t much better:
No, we are never ever, ever getting back together
We are never ever, ever getting back together
You go talk to your friends, talk to my friends, talk to me
But we are never ever, ever, ever getting back together …
You go talk to your friends talk
And my friends talk to me
But we are never ever ever ever getting back together
I can’t with this shit. I really can’t. Taylor is like what Ratvil Lavigne would sound like if she sang country-pop music. This song is like Hell on Earth if Hell is truly ran by the people who produce KidzBop (which is what I suspect). This is the equivalent of having your ears colon cleansed with the sound of GOOPy Paltrow and Madonna cuntily discuss their philosophy on life with their asstastic faux-British accents.
And of course, it’ll no doubt play on the local radio stations three times every hour, and she’ll win 5 Grammys for it. Sometimes, life just isn’t fair.