Let me just go ahead and get this out of the way:
Ewwwwww. EWWWWWWWW. EWWWWWWW.
TMZ is reporting the grossest story we’ve heard in a while, and it’s something we could have all lived the rest of our lives without knowing – happily. 79-year-old Fred Willard was arrested for lewd conduct in Los Angeles last night after he was caught in flagrante delicto at an adult film theater.
Translation: he was choking the chicken while watching porn on the big screen.
Specifically, TMZ says:
According to law enforcement sources, LAPD undercover vice officers went into the Tiki Theater in Hollywood and found the 78-year-old “Anchorman” star watching last night’s feature … with his penis exposed and in his hand.
Let that marinade on your brain for a little bit, and try to keep the dry heaves at bay.
Apparently, Fred was busted during a random walk-through of the facilities. When LA adult theaters get their license, they agree to allow officers inside at any time to make sure everyone is on the up and up <rimshot>.
What I really want to know is – where are the young people in Fred’s life? Fred is old, and watching porn in a public theater is so 80′s. Someone has to teach him how to use the internet! All the poor guy was trying to do was get his rocks off. It’s obvious no one has shown Fred how to use the internet! If they did, he would’ve just gone to Redtube or YouPorn like the rest of us. Hell, if he wanted to get fancy, most browser’s even have the incognito viewing capability. Everyone knows the only reason that was invented was so you could watch porn without the fear or shame of getting caught!
Fred isn’t the criminal here – he’s the victim! A victim of a cruel society that doesn’t take the time to help a senior citizen out once in a while.