So…Tom Cruise is Telepathic and Telekinetic

According to $cientology, Tom Cruise isn’t just a Hollywood superstar – he’s supernatural, as well.  In an in-depth investigation by Janet Reitman for Rolling Stone in 2011, Reitman revealed Tiny Tom was considered an OT (Operating Thetan) in the cult religion. So what does this mean?  Well, via US Weekly, it means this:

(Warning: You’re not high enough yet for this shit)

Having practiced Scientology for 30 years, Cruise has traveled the so-called “Bridge to Total Freedom” to achieve, through intense “auditing” sessions and other practices, a rarefied sense of enlightenment.

Scientologists mark the path to the “Bridge” with ascending grades or stages, and, Janet Reitman’s Rolling Stone story reports, Cruise is at the very advanced “OT VII” stage. Operative Thetans, Reitman says, have “have total ‘control’ over themselves and their environment. OTs can allegedly move inanimate objects with their minds, leave their bodies at will and telepathically communicate with, and control the behavior of, both animals and human beings.”

The more advanced Cruise and other Operating Thetans become, Reitman reports, they reach a God-like state: “At the highest levels, they are allegedly liberated from the physical universe, to the point where they can psychically control what Scientologists call MEST: Matter, Energy, Space and Time.”

Just what in the Thetan-hell fuckery is this?  Tommy Girl can move shit around with his mind, is some sort of animal whisperer and can take control over your brain?  Oh, for the love of all things Xenu.  This shit is cracked.

Actually, mind control would explain how he was able was able get Katie Holmes to marry him in the first place.  However, it seems as if Tammy has had some negative influence from Xenu lately, because his mind control powers aren’t what they used to be.

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