How Katie Escaped from Tom

Let me just get this sentiment out of the way:

BWAHAHAHAHAHAAHA.  

Oh, Katie, you may just be my favorite celebrity of 2012.   The latest issue of PEOPLE is giving us more insight into the logistical planning that went into HBIC Katie leaving Tiny Tom and the clutches of $cientology.

So how did the split go down?

“Once she decided to go, she was done,” says the source.

With help from her unflinching attorney father Martin, she orchestrated a secretive exit strategy that included moving into a new downtown Manhattan apartment, switching cell phones and keeping her megastar husband in the dark – until a bombshell phone call in which she broke the news to him.

“She knew she had to have everything locked down before she pulled the trigger,” says the source, “because there could be no wiggle room if she didn’t want this to turn into a long, drawn-out battle.”

Ooh BURN! A phone call Katie? I couldn’t be prouder if I’d done this all myself!

The Los Angeles Times also confirms Katie played a bit of phone trickery with Tammy and the Cult, by using a disposable cell to meticulously coordinate every detail of her upcoming escape:

Katie Holmes set the wheels in motion for her divorce from Tom Cruise using a throwaway cellphone provided by a friend to initially talk to her lawyers and avoid her husband knowing about the conversations, according to a source familiar with the divorce.

The move allowed her to prepare her legal case without Cruise and his staff knowing she was about to exit the marriage and left him shocked at the sudden divorce. By the time a deal was struck last weekend to end the marriage, she hired three law firms in three states.

Katie also made sure she was seen every month in New York for TWO YEARS.  This was so she could fit New York’s residency requirement to be able to file for divorce.

While Tommy Girl was allegedly blindsided by the divorce (a source tells PEOPLE, ”He keeps asking, ‘What’s happening?’), RadarOnline the two were definitely having problems back in June when Katie and Suri visited Tiny Tom in Iceland:

National Enquirer reporter who visited the suite in the days following the divorce announcement found the duct tape still attached to a video camera outside the room.

Although the hotel insider says the cameras were covered because Tom didn’t want any videos of him and Katie leaked, a friend believes that the actor may have been trying to cover up their sleeping arrangements.

I’ll be honest, I hope more of this shit leaks over the next few weeks.  I can only read so much about Octomom naked in any form before I begin believing drowning myself in a tub filled with vodka and tears is a viable alternative.

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