Octomom’s Fap Pictures are Here

Fact: If you blow your nose then wipe your dirty ass with the same Kleenex, whatever you have on the tissue is still 1,000 times sexier than Octomom’s fap photos.

TMZ posted  the photos earlier today, which feature Nadya Suleman posing in various fap poses for her upcoming porn video, Octomom: Home Alone, which is set for release June 20.  Thankfully, TMZ has censored these photos, and there’s no way in hell I’m looking for uncensored ones. Deal.

The pics have Nadya surrounded by baby things, including a couple with her standing in front of clothes line with toddler clothes pinned up as Octo touches her no-no parts.  Yeah, classy.

I don’t know about you, but when I look at these pics, the last thing I feel is a sensual stirring in my loins.  But you know you bitches are going to watch This Bitch (her official title) get herself off for the train wreck factor..and who am I kidding – I’m into self-flagellation, so my ass is going to get shitfaced and watch the entire thing.  Afterward, I’ll hug my arms around my knees, rock back and forth and mutter to myself “Why? Why?” while clutching my glass of Vodka/soda drink as if it’s a rosary (Fact: it is), as my dog consoles me by giving me sloppy puppy kisses (read: licking the crumbs off my face from the half bag of Sun Chips I ate earlier).

It’s the fap equivalent of the Walk of Shame after a sleeping with that weird guy from work that smells like a combination of onions and BO who has pock-marks all over his face from terrible teenage years and can be considered in shape, because “potato” is a shape.   You’re mortified, will never admit it to anyone, ever (not even your best friend, because somehow not confessing to it means it never happened), and will try to strike the whole awful incident from your memory.  But no matter what, every once in a while, flashes of it will sneak up on your subconscious and you’ll feel the bile rise up in the back of your throat as humiliation burns your soul.

(Click to enlarge – if you dare)

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